Stephen Lynch 3 Balloons lyrics

I call you from my car to say, "I'll be there in awhile,"
A short plane ride and I will get to see your pretty smile.
Nothing on the radio, I fiddle with the dial,
Then I see a sign, the airport's just another mile.
I check my bags and think about how much I hate to fly.
And as I near security, I almost start to cry.

Well, I hope the law enforcement agents can't tell from my face,
I've got 3 balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.
I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,
Cause with 4 balloons of heroin, it's getting crowded up in there.
Crowded up in there.

My mind is all a jumble and my blood is cold as ice,
I dread the thought of having to unload this merchandise.
"Relax," I say, "It's not so bad, it might feel kinda nice.
Besides, who hasn't a finger up there once or twice?"
I must remember, don't leave any drugs inside the host,
I did that once and a girl who tossed my salad overdosed!

Well, I say a little prayer, Hail Maria Full of Grace,
I've got 3 balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.
I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,

And I swear I'm farting lines of blow into my underwear,
From my derriere.

I was a little eager when I loaded up my stash,
5 balloons of ecstasy and 6 balloons of hash.
8 balloons of LSD and 9 of Sensimil.
A box of Chinese fireworks, Guatemalan child.
I made it to my gate now and my joy I can't contain,
I board the aircraft and take my seat in the cockpit of the plane!

As I taxi down the runway, I get a smile on my face,
I've got 3 balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.
Flight crew, prepare for takeoff, as I lift us into air,
And, by the way, does anyone want to by Guatemalan child?
From my derriere.

I got 3 balloons.
Uh, I got 3 balloons.
Oooh, I got 3 balloons!