Weird Al Yankovic Headline News lyrics

Once there was this kid who
Took a trip to Singapore
And brought along his spraypaint
And when he finally came back
He had cane marks all over his bottom

He said that it was from when
The warden whacked it so hard
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Once there was this girl who
Swore that one day she would be
A figure skating champion
And when she finally made it
She saw some other girl who was better

So she hired some guy
To club her in the knee cap
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

They got paid for their sound-bites
And sold their TV movie rights

And then there was this guy who
Made his wife so mad one night
That she cut off his weiner
And when he finally came to
He found that little Mr. Happy was missing

He couldn't quite explain
It had always just been there
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm