Patent Pending Last Time That I Saw You lyrics

The last time that I saw you I was drunk as hell
Apologies are probably in order I can tell
From the pictures that you posted
I look liquid, I look toasted
and I probably owe you money as well
I was dazed, I was faded, I was sixteen types of wasted
I was trading shirts with dudes I didn't know
- I felt down
Crowned the mayor of Tipsy Town
From the second that I started I was done
Started with the last time that I saw you I was drunk
Normally I'm not the one who gets carried home
Typically you won't find me drunk texting on my phone
but hot damn I was seeing double
singing karaoke, it was Journey all night long
(DON'T STOP BELIEVING!)
I don't want to see my credit card statement
'Cause I was throwing back Jack like Slash in '92
I was pissed, I was plowed
I was messed up, blacked out
This hangover is gonna last a month
Started with the last time that I saw you I was drunk

I got a YOLO tattoo
Drunk dyin everyone I knew
A shopping spree on Amazon
What the hell was going on?
Apparently I drank a bit too much
Started with the last time that I saw you I was drunk
and useless
Woke up, I was handcuffed to a breifcase, I was clueless
How did I do this?
When I went to call the next day
I remembered that I lost my phone
How the hell did I get that way?
I was dazed, I was faded
I was sixteen types of wasted
I was trading shirts with dudes I didn't know
- I felt down
Crowned the mayor of Tipsy Town
From the second that I started I was done
Started with the last time that I saw you I was drunk