Steve Poltz Chinese Vacation lyrics

Your grandma's on a walker in the old folk's home
Your grandpa lost his dentures and he's starting to foam
Your dad's inside a biker bar, he's acting like a turd
He's sittin' on a stool and yelling "Play Free Bird"

Well, I'm wondering what the heck is wrong with all of your kin
Your sister stole my credit card and figured out my PIN
And the love you say you have for me is just imagination
I'm gonna send your ass on a Chinese vacation

So far away, I'm sending you away today
Down Beijing way
Across the wall you'll join the fray
And I'm feeling really gay
'Cause you're a million miles away

You stabbed me in the heart with a plastic fork
You chewed me up and spit me out like sweet-n-sour pork
And when the waiter brought the bill you just expected me to pay
You ran out with some movie star and left me here to stay

I'm wondering what the hell that I'm supposed to do
I'm sick of love and feel just like I got the flu
Well, what the doctor ordered for me is some rejuvenation
I'm gonna send your ass on a Chinese vacation

So far away, I'm sending you away today
Down Beijing way
Across the wall you'll join the fray
And I'm feeling really gay

'Cause you're a million miles away

I coulda been happy just to take any chance
I'd seduce ya and kiss you and search for romance
I got a chopstick reserved for you deep in my pants
But you sting just like ants and you're making it so hard to dance
Hey, I forgot how to do the dance

Your heart is like an army that can do no wrong
You treat me like a puppet state, I'm just Taiwan
So go ahead and call the guard and call off all of your troops
My tears are just as salty as this Wanton soup

And my strength is just as limp as a Chinese noodle
What the hell are you trying to feed me
Is it pork or is it poodle?
I need a special visa from the United Nations
I'm gonna send your ass on a Chinese vacation

So far away, I'm sending you away today
Down Peking way
Across the wall you'll join the fray
And I'm feeling really gay
'Cause you're a million miles away
But I feel so sad today
Like you're a billion miles away