Bernstein Leonard
Wonderful Town
One Hundred Easy Ways To Lose A Man
Betty Comden and Adolph Green
music by Leonard Bernstein
RUTH
NOW THE FIRST WAY TO LOSE A MAN --
YOU'VE MET A CHARMING FELLOW AND YOU'RE OUT FOR A SPIN.
THE MOTOR FAILS AND HE JUST WEARS A HELPLESS GRIN,
DON'T BAT YOUR EYES AND SAY, “WHAT A ROMANTIC SPOT WE'RE IN.â€
Just get out, crawl under the car, tell him it's the gasket and fix it in two seconds flat with a bobby pin.
THAT'S A GOOD WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
HE TAKES YOU TO A BASEBALL GAME,
YOU SIT KNEE TO KNEE.
HE SAYS, “THE NEXT MAN UP AT BAT WILL BUNT, YOU'LL SEE.â€
DON'T SAY, “OOOH, WHAT'S A BUNT? THIS GAME'S TOO HARD FOR LITTLE ME.â€
Just say, “Bunt? Are you nuts?!! With no outs, two men on base, and a left-handed batter coming up, you'll walk right into a triple play just like it happened in the fifth game of the World Series in 1923.â€
THAT'S A SURE WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
A SURE SURE SURE SURE WAY TO LOSE A MAN,
A SPLENDID WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
JUST THROW YOUR KNOWLEDGE IN HIS FACE,
HE'LL NEVER TRY FOR SECOND BASE.
Ninety-eight ways to go.
THE THIRD WAY TO LOSE A MAN --
THE LIFE-GUARD AT THE BEACH THAT ALL THE GIRLIES ADORE
SWIMS BRAVELY OUT TO SAVE YOU THROUGH THE OCEAN'S ROAR,
DON'T SAY, “OH, THANKS, I WOULD HAVE DROWNED IN JUST ONE SECOND MORE.â€
Just push his head under water and yell, “Last one in is a rotten egg†and race him back to shore!
THAT'S A SWELL WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
YOU'VE FOUND YOUR PERFECT MATE AND IT'S BEEN LOVE FROM THE START.
HE WHISPERS, “YOU'RE THE ONE TO WHO I GIVE MY HEART.â€
DON'T SAY, “I LOVE YOU TOO, MY DEAR, LET'S NEVER NEVER PART.â€
Just say, “I'm afraid you've made a grammatical error -- it's not ‘To who I give my heart,' it's ‘To whom I give my heart' -- You see, with the use of the preposition ‘to,' ‘who' becomes the indirect object, making the use of ‘whom' imperative which I can easily show you by drawing a simple chart†--
THAT'S A FINE WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
A FINE FINE FINE FINE WAY TO LOSE A MAN,
A DANDY WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
JUST BE MORE WELL-INFORMED THAN HE,
YOU'LL NEVER HEAR “O, PROMISE ME.â€
JUST SHOW HIM WHERE HIS GRAMMAR ERRS,
THEN MARK YOUR TOWELS “HERS†AND “HERS.â€
YES, GIRLS, YOU TOO CAN LOSE YOUR MAN,
IF YOU WILL USE RUTH SHERWOOD'S PLAN:
ONE HUNDRED EASY WAYS TO LOSE A MAN!