Akeldama Shadow of an Entity lyrics

Pain
Is at the forefront of my mind
For but a simple moment's time
Although it seems to last forever

It will fade away with the wash of madness that fast approaches
My only fear is this:
Without the pain
What will
I become?
What will I become?

This instance of pain is my one and only memory
What brought me here to this moment in my history?
I know something happened
It's something immense
Strong enough to erase the pages of my life's story

When did I make the choices the led me here?
Where did I take the wrong turn?
Everything is wrong
I can feel it
I have become a miserable wretch

I'm left in a spiral of contempt
I hate what I've become
So I reach out to others, compelled to find compassion
Only receiving just a passing glance in judgement
This world around me; a mirror of my wretchedness

Yet there's one struggling glimmer of a thought
From within the deepest blackness
It claws at the edges of my sanity
Refusing to be sucked into oblivion

Within this vacuum in my mind
This tiny thought spins a tale of hope; a seed of possibility
I know it must be false but I can't relinquish it

It's giving me a sense that there's a purpose to this madness

It tells me:
"There is someone out there waiting for you to change everything"
An unrelenting notion that I must fight through this seemingly hopeless reality"

But is it just the needles and the glass,
A catalyst for full blown insanity?
Is this world a perpetual winter night,
Or will the sun one day rise on a precious summer solstice?

This hope is a plague on me
One last strand to hold onto
In the center of my being
I just want to let go of this thing
Release me from this reality
Unbind me
The fabric of my sanity is
Unwinding

Fragments of a prior existence
Float freely in the limbo of my consciousness
Not a single one contains substance
Just a ripple on the surface of a memory

Everything has been shattered to pieces
Separated by a void that I cannot comprehend
This purgatory is a fate worse than death
I exist as the shadow of an entity

The void has come to coalesce
Ruling over everything I am
That which is missing has left such an emptiness
That my existence has been rendered purely meaningless