Aurelio Voltaire The Straight-Razor Cabaret lyrics

In a cafe
On the Champs-Élysées
I saw a girl the other day
I was beguiled...Till i saw her smile!
It was a gash across her face!

Not long ago she found that she was alone
So she wandered into a vaudeville show
She should have known it's be bad
She saw the name that it had: The Straight Razor Cabaret
The first act was a stripper
And the host looked like Jack the Ripper
But the audience was dreary
And so he slashed them smiles from ear to ear

He used a straight-razor
Cause he's a face raper
And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud
If he tells a joke you better laugh until you choke!
It's the Straight Razor Cabaret!

When i flew down to Cambden town
I saw a man reading the Bible
I won't in haste describe his face
For i might be sued for lible!

Not long ago he found that he was alone
So he wandered into a vaudeville show
He should have known he'd be mamed when he saw what it was named:
The straight razor cabaret

While the strumptet stroked some Donkeys
The host juggled five dead monkeys
But the audience were snobs
So he took a knife right to their chops

He used a straight-razor
Cause he's a face raper
And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud
If he does a trick you better laugh until you're sick!
It's the Straight Razor Cabaret!

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

He used a straight-razor
Cause he's a face raper
And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud
If he pulls a gaffe you bloody fucking laugh!
It's the Straight Razor Cabaret!
It's the Straight Razor Cabaret!
It's the Straight Razor Caba-

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala
Everybody!
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

It's the Straight Razor Cabaret!
It's the Straight Razor Cabaret!