The Duckworth Lewis Method The Umpire lyrics

I awake early morning, press my shirt, clean my shoes
Egg and soldiers for my breakfast, kiss the wife, avoid the news
Take the wheel of my Escort, sixty-five, middle lane
Watch the Jags and the Ferraris, leave me in their wake again

Who would aspire to be an umpire and who would be a referee?
We're only here to be sneered at, just a relic of yesteryear
There was a time when we were held high, but it's not how it used to be
They only let us stick around so they've someone to kick around
One more relic of yesterday

Do you think, they would miss me if I took a holiday?
Spent the morning at the seaside, candyfloss, penny arcade

No abuse, no indignation, no vitriol, no angry mobs
No high pressure situations, I'm just trying to do my job

Who would aspire to be an umpire and who would be a referee?
We're only here to be laughed at, just a relic of yesteryear
There was a time when we were held high, but now they've got technology
Replaying every scene to prove that we are of no further use
And sport is just a computer game
Just a relic of yesterday